Fighting the Fear

If I were to do an honest analysis of myself I would have to state that I have a lot of growing to do as a minister. Effective ministry is the ability to make human connections with conviction, enthusiasm, and boldness. I have conviction. I have enthusiasm. I lack boldness, particularly when the humans I am supposed to connect with are different from me. When I meet people who are sick, deformed, dirty, my first instinct is to back away, not to move forward with open arms. It takes a lot of courage for me to do the opposite of what my instincts are telling me to do. Two particular incidents allowed me to see this weakness within myself:


I had the opportunity to visit a boy who suffered from cleft-lip and palate, his lips and teeth were completely misshapen. He was a very pleasant boy and he loved to sing. He was very excited to have visitors and he performed two or three songs for us. For the majority of the visit I looked down at the floor, studying the dirt. I did not stare at him because I did not want to be rude. More importantly, I looked down in order to control the impulse to run away. But I realized that in looking down at the floor I was being more hurtful and harmful in the situation than I would if I stared at him. So, I worked up the nerve to look into his eyes. His eyes were so bright and he was so happy. I could see that he was genuinely happy to have company and to be able to sing for an audience. When I finally put my self aside, I gained a connection with an amazing boy that I would not have had otherwise.

Also, I had the opportunity to meet the oldest woman in Cha Preta, Brazil. She was 103 years old. When we went to meet her I was petrified by her appearance. She was very thin and frail, and, there was just an empty socket where her right eye should have been. After glancing at her from the living room, my legs became cemented to floor and I could not bring myself to enter the bedroom. But the pastor insisted that I come in and take a picture with her. I swallowed my fear, entered the room, and said hello. She said hello back and articulated delight to meet Americans. Then, we took a picture together. I’m thankful for the opportunity to meet her and make a connection with her because she died the next day.

These two incidents showed me that a shepherd cannot be afraid of sheep. There is no place and there is no time for fear.

*The accompanying pictures have been removed out of respect for the people. I do not want to confuse presentation with exploitation. For further information about the Cleft-lip and Palate condition please visit www.hopkinsmedicine.org/craniofacial/Gateway/CleftLip.cfm*